Since coming to London, there has been so much joy and discovery and excitement. And fear and terror and doubt. I want to dedicate the next few Letters to dealing with our shadows, as mine has resurfaced from the depths in the last two months and I have had to pull out every technique, bit of science, ask for help, be honest and be heard, in order to deal with them. I vow to always be honest with you, as I feel it’s integral to not preach, but share simply what I am learning myself. I feel that shadow is not dealt with in a huge amount in modern self-development and certainly rarely in spirituality. The dark depths to which we can plummet and the old trauma and doubt that can resurface at unexpected moments can leave us utterly winded. Blindsided. I suppose I had thought my lower self had left, when perhaps it had just gone on vacation for a moment. When things are going well, like really well, it’s nice to believe this for awhile.
I thought I was past my anxiety. I was wrong. I thought I was done with doubt. Again, I was wrong. I thought the panic that would have once eclipsed me had set, I remember waving it off, I thought it would never rise again. I very much wish I wasn’t wrong! In truth, any type of belief that we are immune to being human, or we are ‘done’ with an experience, is in fact wrong. We cannot turn off being human. Our minds are powerful tools, that we must work with daily, to keep them curious and open and not plagued with insecurities and doubts, no one is the exception to this.
So when we do something we know will be challenging, in order to even get ourselves over the line to begin, we must reconcile some fear, some doubt. We usually minimise it, or I doubt we would never begin at all. We think forward, positive and thrilled. However, these feelings though, once we are on our new path or project, usually hidden in the dustier crevices of the mind will reveal themselves. That which we held in old dented mental shoeboxes, will continually have their lids lifted.
I think we need to be more honest about working with this. When in moments of panic, or exhaustion, it is hard to remember why we even started. And the shadow side of ourselves is like a dark mist that starts to dampen everything. The challenge is further perpetuated as like attracts like. A small moment of doubt creates more doubt. A moment of angst creates more angst and develops into anxiety.
So I am going to spend some serious time in diving into this, as I have been documenting what I have found to work, and what I have found to not work. This is personal to me, and some of it you might use, and some of it you may not. I would love your feedback on what you might be working with, battling, struggling with as well as launching, hoping to launch, creating and moving towards so I can work with these topics! Comment below or shoot me an email.
Sent with love,
Jac x