The lure of people pleasing is that it gives you a clear goal and a way forward. You literally do not have to think that much – just do what they want – actually you do what you think they want. It also has a nice little rosy tint to it… à la “I’m giving and being of service”.
Before you know it, other people’s views, ideas, feelings dominate, are seen as superior and are somehow more important. In the hot pursuit of others, your own beliefs, feelings and even identity can get lost and disconnected. What was it that I think again?
When our focus is external there will always be reaching. Confidence, contentment, connection will always be fleeting, held hostage to the dictates of what’s going on outside of us. We are changed at every high and again at every low, over and over, relentlessly so.
It’s no denying that life is a roller coaster and if we anchor ourselves inwards, to an internal orientation, we can ride that baby and have fun doing it! By understanding who we are and how we feel, our personal power rating goes up (woot woo!) and we can be authentically confident in all situations, known and unknown – responding from a place openness, compassion, and curiosity.
Two key tools that can provide us with a strong internal foundation are our daily integrated meditation practice and being clear on our values. Our practice helps us to get closer to who we truly are, the unchanging parts of ourselves, our true essence and Our values keep us aligned in action to what we really believe in and place importance on. They help us to discern our next best step irrespective of what others are up to.
Ironically, this shift to an internal orientation can create greater inspiration for, and real connection with others, more so, than any people pleasing efforts ever could.
Not sure what your values are? A great free tool to help you out HERE.