We have been soaking in life in India with its every detail since we arrived. Literally soaking, as it hasn ‘t stopped raining since we arrived in Kabini, which is on a huge river two hours from Mysore. There have been pauses where we have ridden old clicky bikes through the local towns, with little kids squeaking namaskar to us as we wave to them, dodging goats, cows and the odd irate chicken that flies out at us. A break in the downpour to paint our landscapes and eat fish curry on the terrace outdoors. But 95% rain, drizzle, downpour.
Now the rain was not part of our plan. We could wax lyrical about climate change and blah blah. We had safaris planned in the stunning National Parks here, and swimming in the infinity pool and languid reading in the sun planned. Rain, was not part of our careful plan. However, we also didn’t have my landing in hospital with an acute gastrointestinal infection, Arran slamming off his bike head first into a ditch and Marley getting some strange face rash on our list of holiday fun. But here’s the thing about India (and I’ll say just life in general); you always get what you were needing regardless of whether you wanted it.
After enough times of being pushed through life’s dirty laundry wringer, I know now just to surrender. So even whilst on all fours spewing in a dirty ditch on the side of a road, I could hear the word ‘surrender’. Marley and I debated as I got better and recovered drinking coconut water and eating a tablespoon of rice at meals what opportunity this was. She thought it was all nonsense, there’s nothing this could offer, and was clearly terrified for me. I explained we just wait and see. And I have to tell you days later, I’ve now never felt better. Something was purged in that experience that was greater than just my stomach lining. My clarity is unlike ever before. A sense of calm, gratitude and peace is always flowing through me, like I’ve never had it. My meditations are deep and profound. The nonsense filled voice in my head so much quieter.
And life is just slipping in like it always does. Due to the rain, Marley has discovered some new soccer game she’s obsessed with. We’ve been drawing and painting and sketching together in long quiet moments under the awning as the rain drops onto the grass in front of us. Arran and my Dad have been sleeping 10 hours a night, as there’s no sunrise walks to get involved in. I’ve been reading incessantly, with no potential activities pulling at my attention. We are all in sync, in flow, and in love as a family. I’m filled with awe.
We can fight life, or we can flow and choose to surrender. God knows I’ve done enough fighting in my time. White knuckled refusals to go with what is. Jaw clenched over my dead body denials. And it got me nowhere. I sometimes imagine the universe, nature, God, call it what you want, having a deep belly laugh at my expense in the past, and giving me one more obstacle just to watch me explode. Sitting down with a box of popcorn and thinking ‘oh yeah, this is going to be good, she’s going to keep forcing her own designed path, and will end up exploding’.
“I learned to flow with life, up and down, back and forth, but always moving, growing, experiencing. I learned to see levels of consciousness and I see my own levels rise and fall unceasingly. I learned of free will, that in every moment I can make the choice for happiness and for unhappiness. With the knowledge of each new experience, I learned to make the choice for happiness” Linda Quiring from her book Beyond Belief; The Lost Teachings of Sydney Banks
In every moment keep asking yourself ‘what choice will I make?’…
With love from India,
Jac