Yesterday, I wrote about a very recent incident where I dealt with someone who was incredibly difficult, and very angry, in our Letter, The Braid Of Our Life. It was unsettling, and it’s easy to slip into anger ourselves when we confront someone very angry, as an instinctive reaction. So I wanted to share with you a few of the things I do, to hopefully help if ever this kind of thing happens to you.
First of all, let’s remember that someone that is acting so out of alignment with their integrity is not a happy person, or is not in a happy place at that time. We can all relate to our inner restlessness that is sometimes so encompassing, we ourselves have not acted with a trace of care, grace or generosity, which led to more unhappiness. Finding a common thread, a likeliness even if the act itself was in no way how we may have handled ourselves is very helpful.
Second of all, introspection. My friend Angela shared with me something her Dad taught her, that after an incident, to sit and go through, (now you have calmed down), how would you have responded? Literally talk yourself through, well I would have said this and I could have said that. Not in an angry; argh why didn’t I retaliate like this or told them THIS! But in a calm graceful way. It’s very cathartic and gives you a real insight into the situation as well as wiring into your brain your preferred response for a future encounter.
Thirdly, I have found that daily meditation practice is the best form of dealing with other people. It’s not a silver bullet but it gives you an immense amount of insight into yourself, other humans, and compassion that flows deeply.
Finally, after my meditation sitting the following day, I imagined a compassion and kindness so huge it enveloped this person in light. Radiating it out from myself, I held them in that space of kindness, forgiveness, and acceptance. I used to think that kind of thing is a bit woo-woo, but have learnt through Buddhist practices how nurturing it can be and now love the opportunity to engage with it!
Written with love,