In everyday life I subscribe to the motto “self as cause” which means I believe that ultimately I always have the power of choice and with it comes the accountability, which I can tell you is sometimes annoying. Having to always own the decisions, the choices, the right turns and the left turns can be easy or it can be very tough. It’s important to me to assert this ownership as I want to be live my life to the fullest, juicing every moment as best as I can. However clear my intention is, I do find myself at times shirking this responsibility, the reality of being my boss is not all that.
This lovely little zen story sums it up…
“A horse and its rider suddenly came galloping quickly down the road. It seemed as though the person had somewhere important to go. Another person, who was standing alongside the road, shouted, “Where are you going?” and the person on the horse replied,”I don’t know! Ask the horse!””
So, now knowing that I have these excellent delegation skills, I take a regular self-audit, reviewing the moments, situations, occasions that I let the “horse” lead. Shining this light (sometimes directly in my eyes is required) helps to remind me that I am accountable for me every day and to wield that power consciously. One of the benefits of doing this, is that it can reveal patterns where I may need to be extra alert, areas that I all too easily let slip my sovereignty. I keep trying, applying myself as best as I can – it is tough at the top.
Danger zones for abdication can be conflicts, frustrations, expectations, the hard things in everyday life but also the less obvious, shifting to autopilot – being governed by our routines, an over-familiarity, an escape from reality we simply switch ourselves off.
Whenever we turn up but don’t show up it can disconnect us from our lives, our family, our friends, our hearts, our true selves – slowly eroding the richness of our one precious life.
I will keep asking myself, in any given moment, who’s in charge? The answer needs to be “I am”.
Lots of love,
Jo x