Each of us has a unique set of codes within us, that are our little teachings, a personal gift from our life experiences that add up into a source code that allows us to crack open the parts of us that need attention. These tiny teachings are our triggers. As Ram Dass says, “We only get angry when someone disconfirms our expectations, when they upset our models of the way we think things ought to be. And since our strategy in this game is to ferret out exactly those places in ourselves where we are clinging to models of this or that, what more could we ask then for people to come along and wake us up yet again? ‘You got me really bugged out, thank you.’”
Honey, our Jack Russell, can be a class A pain in the arse. She’s a food scavenger, frantically searching the streets for every single crumb, yanking at the leash. It’s very easy to get frustrated with her as she pulls hard here and there. She’s also 13 years old and not going to change her nature. Expecting she will conform to our ideas of what she should be doing is quite frankly, ridiculous, she’s just being truly herself, her innate Honey girl, animal, Jack Russell nature. It’s easy for animals to see this. It’s far more challenging with people.
But what if we completely accepted the nature of everyone EXACTLY as they were. They were just doing ‘Tom nature’ or ‘Stacey nature’ exactly as they should be, and why should we expect any differently? Because we have a personal idea of what we want them to be? It’s laughable! If we want people to change, that’s on us. We, in fact, have plenty of opportunities to change ourselves. Each time we are triggered, we can look within. Why is this even bothering me? What’s the kernel of truth here that this experience holds for me personally? It’s not about them and their behaviour that’s driving us so nuts, it’s a reflection of something we see we do in varying degrees too. The reflection is gross, so we freak out a little bit. We are triggered. If you still don’t believe me, go hang out with your parents a little while, and tell me if the stuff they do that you SWORE you wouldn’t do, you can kind of see yourself doing, even a little, and it drives you crazy, so you think THEY are driving you crazy.
So these tiny teachers can allow us to breathe, and look within, and stop trying to change outside those of us. Imagine a whole day, an entire 24 hours where you accepted every second with absolute grace and an open heart. I’m not there yet, but it’s what I am working on.
Written with love,