L E T T E R – Working with True Knowing and Dealing With Disappointment. Part 1

Our recent trip to India took a year to plan. The major component was our Broad Place Retreat which had every finite detail mapped out with room for things to ‘change’ (meaning accommodate to India chaos haha!). At the beginning of the trip, I had some days to calibrate to India with Emily and prepare ourselves emotionally and physically for the onslaught of hosting a Retreat of this scale. And what I managed to snuggle in there was a private course in the Creation and Removal of Karma with a female teacher of mine who I adore. This was utterly enjoyable for me and so many tiny pieces of puzzles locked into place that have been floating about for over a decade of learning. I relished every minute.

Then after the Retreat, I was to travel to Badrinath with my friends Jeff and Adele to pilgrimage and study with Sri M. I was utterly looking forward to this experience for months and craved it as it drew closer. Then, after studying the karma course, I felt full to the brim with excitement and knowledge and implementation of what I had learnt. Then we hosted the Retreat. The way in which all these students showed up was so raw, vulnerable, honest and created such an insanely rewarding Retreat. I felt a little like I was cheating ‘working’ it, as it was so brilliant for me personally. There’s a huge energy shift when everyone gets real about what they want from their life and understanding who they are within it! And I wasn’t immune to the shift. Out of the blue, on the last two days, I suddenly REALLY didn’t want to go to Sri M’s. I told Jeff I felt like a sultana that had been wrinkly and dry and had then soaked too long in brandy and was now over swollen and sweet and drunk on life. Which is the weirdest description but the only one that made sense. I was on such a high, I was so in awe of life, everything was incredible. And suddenly I wanted to be home to share this with Arran and Marley so very much. The thought of being away from them for another 9 days was too much to bare. Literally, I started aching at the thought of staying in India and not being with them (and the dogs, always the dogs too!). I became exhausted with the thought of the pilgrimage.

I had a moment of angst – I mean it was ludicrously hard to get into the Sri M Retreat and was a once in a lifetime opportunity. What was I doing here?? And so I wanted to share a few of the triggers that made it the right decision to return home.

First Emily said to me, ‘Imagine you are home and you don’t go, will you regret that more? And imagine you are there with Sri M and aren’t home, will you regret that more?’. The framework of regret isn’t one she and I normally work with, but it worked a charm and I instantly knew. It made no sense on every level except my heart, I wanted to be home. So now I knew what my heart wanted.

But was I going to get the support of the universe? Was this going to be a nightmare or super easy? I rang Air India and they could change my flight easily for next to nothing cost wise. So on a technical level, I could do it.

I went and told Jeff and Adele I wasn’t going to go, I texted Arran and Marley and I sat to meditate and could barely sit. I was so excited and energised. This is the final piece in the puzzle. When we are living in alignment, we are charged and full of life. When we are not, we are shattered and tired. So my physical and emotional planes were buzzing and were a sign, all was meant to be.

Part Two – arriving home and the central theme of ‘dealing with disappointment on what we encounter’ will be tomorrow!

Sent with love,

Jac x