Dealing with the fear of ‘what other people think’ affects so many of our students, and myself. I hear about why people won’t leave a job/partner/friendship or follow their heart.
Arran gives zero cares about this, like at all. And so I’ve pondered for years how to really make it stick. To be caring yet not care. We don’t actually want to ‘give zero fucks’ – just about the stuff that doesn’t matter.
A few little things learnt along the way…
– If you know the nonsense that goes on in your own head, then you understand that some level of nonsense goes on in everyone’s heads. Trying to imagine what someone else’s nonsense might be saying about you and your nonsense is a fast track to insanity.
– Volume is key. If we keep engaging with the nasty judgement ask things our mind tells us about others, it’s easy to think that others are judging us. Turn down the volume in your head when being judgemental or critical and the fear turns down with it
– Define a handful of people who REALLY count to you, whose ideas and values align with yours and who are masterful at being a wonderful human to a degree. Then ONLY turn to the feedback of these people.
– When we are scared, tired, and vulnerable, part of the shame spiral is to pull others with us. So let’s be compassionate when others are speaking negatively and not join in, and just stay neutral. Or we also perpetuate our own internal fears long term.
Sent with love,